S1.E1: The Story Begins

Meet Gravedeath, oppressor of the realm

You’re reading Adventure Story, a loving parody of the fantasy genre. Don’t know where to start? Click here.

Adventure Story: Start Here

Gravedeath: He used to be a nice guy until power predictably corrupted him and turned him into a murderous psychopath. He will stop at nothing to obtain the Object of Great Power which will make him — you guessed it — unstoppable.

Narrator: Your classic omniscient guide to the adventure.

Audience: That’s you!

EXT. KINGDOM OF DOOMVEIL - BACK WHEN IT USED TO BE A NICE PLACE

NARRATOR

I am the Narrator. My accent is just foreign enough to let you know this story takes place in a fantasy world, but still native enough to be relatable.

AUDIENCE

He’s no Morgan Freeman, but we’re feeling the thrill of adventure while still remaining comfortably grounded in the real world. Best part is, this all happened subconsciously and we didn’t even realize it. Hooray for subliminal messaging!

NARRATOR

Great start, nailed the voice. Onward with the introduction. Welcome to Doomveil, a place that used to be nice but, as you can probably guess from the name, did not remain so. Watch as we pan through idyllic scenes of children playing under flowering fruit trees, friendly neighbors, plentiful banquet halls. That was before the wicked Lord Gravedeath became intoxicated with power and obsessed with finding the Object Of Great Power. His greed led him to enslave his people and drove his kingdom to ruin. That’s not related to the Object Of Great Power, but it will help accomplish the goal of establishing him as a Complete Asshole.

GRAVEDEATH

Are you finished establishing me as a Complete Asshole yet? I need to get going on this whole Object Of Great Power thing.

NARRATOR

Silence, you twerp, before I narrate you out of the intro. You don’t come in until later.

GRAVEDEATH

Sorry.

NARRATOR

Also, is that your real voice?

GRAVEDEATH

What! Of course!

NARRATOR

Whatever you say. Where was I? Oh yes, Gravedeath has been established as a Complete Asshole and now the story begins.

GRAVEDEATH

Didn’t you just tell the whole story? I’m evil and I win. Sounds like a happy ending to me.

NARRATOR

That was the prologue, idiot. Now I have to say it again.

GRAVEDEATH

Now the story begins.

NARRATOR

No. I say it, not you.

GRAVEDEATH

Do you want me to do my evil villain laugh as we fade out?

NARRATOR

No, I want you to shut up and follow the script.

GRAVEDEATH

The script. Right. Follow the script.

NARRATOR

You better not interrupt me.

CRICKET

Cri-cri

NARRATOR

Now the story –

GRAVEDEATH (laughing maniacally)

Now my story begins!

NARRATOR

No wonder the entire realm hates you.

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