S1.E7: Fork in the Road Problems

Meet Lothki, a trickster suffering from burnout

You’re reading Adventure Story, a loving parody of the fantasy genre. Don’t know where to start? Click here.

Adventure Story: Start Here

Bigheart: Young and handsome, he is about to discover that his compulsion for Doing The Right Thing is in direct contradiction to his core belief I Am Not A Hero. Spoiler alert: he’s the hero.

Michael and Nichael: Identical twins with witty tongues and an uncanny talent for providing comedic relief right when the audience might be in in danger of losing interest.

Lilly: She’s here for her clever quips — and to make Bigheart sexually frustrated

Blizzard the Wizard: He’s only as powerful as you believe him to be. So not very powerful.

Lothki: A devious trickster suffering from severe burnout.

EXT. THE DEEP, DARK WOODS.

BLIZZARD

…And THAT is how I banished a pack of rabid warthogs by tricking them into THINKING I had the power to banish them.

LILLY

Please, no more stories for today. You’re giving me a headache.

BLIZZARD

I get those sometimes too. I suspect it’s because my brain is so large it presses against the confines of my skull.

BIGHEART

That could also be encephalitis.

BLIZZARD

My brain is not inflated, BIGHEART. It’s just my intellect which is so sizable it yearns to roam free amongst the stars.

LILLY

Your brain might not be inflated, but I know something else that definitely is. 

BLIZZARD?

I love riddles. Is it BIGHEART’S elbow?

LILLY

Never mind.

BIGHEART

I think I see someone up head, right where the path forks. Hopefully nothing will happen to make our next choice difficult.

LOTHKI

Greetings, travelers. Despite my shrewd black eyes and hooked nose, I am actually a helpful and benevolent guide here to help you on your quest.

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BLIZZARD

A helpful and benevolent guide, excellent. Which path do we take, Lothki?

LOTHKI

Left. No wait, right.

LILLY

Our right or your right?

LOTHKI

My right. I mean your left. Argh, I messed it up. I’m so bad with directions.

BIGHEART

For someone whose job is to stand at a fork in the road and point the way, you seem awfully unqualified.

LOTHKI

Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been having a bit of a moral crisis about the whole leading-strangers-to-their-death thing.

BLIZZARD

Wait, you were trying to trick us? You rat!

LILLY

Of course he’s trying to trick us, BLIZZARD, just look at his face.

LOTHKI

It’s true, when they hired me they said with a face like this, I was practically born for the role.

BIGHEART

Wait, so are you actually having a moral crisis or is that part of the trap?

LOTHKI

No, it’s not part of the trap. Usually I just say to go left, which leads to the Swamp of Slow Suffocation. But lately I’ve just been thinking…what’s the point?

BIGHEART

The point of what? Leading people to their deaths?

LOTHKI

See, you understand me! I mean, I always thought I was born to be a devious trickster, but lately I’ve just been feeling kind of unfulfilled. I’ve even been toying with the idea of telling people to go right! That’s crazy, I know.

BIGHEART

And where does right lead to?