S1.E14: A Test of Character

Gravedeath faces a moral dilemma that can make or break his quest.

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GRAVEDEATH: He used to be a nice guy until power predictably corrupted him and turned him into a murderous psychopath. He will stop at nothing to obtain the Very Powerful Object which will make him — you guessed it — unstoppable.

KING’S ADVISOR: This one is pretty self-explanatory.

MASTER OF COIN: We don’t really know what he does but the title sounds cool and every King’s Council needs one.

KING’S MATHEMATICIAN: He’s the abacus guy.

OLD MAN: Just your classic beggar-in-need. Or is he?

EXT. SOMEWHERE ABOUT HALFWAY UP THE FACE OF MOUNT MALDIAC. THE SUN IS STILL HIGH IN THE SKY, BUT THE WINDS GROW MORE BITTER WITH EACH PASSING HOUR. SOMEWHERE IN THE DISTANCE, THE WAIL OF A BANSHEE RINGS OUT.

GRAVEDEATH

The prophecy says that the Object of Great Power will be searched for High and Low. The only thing down in the mines was a giant eyeball. What could be higher than the peak of Mount Maldiac?

KING’S ADVISOR

Excellent deduction, My Lord. Unless of course searching high refers to being under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms, rather than searching in a physically high-up place.

GRAVEDEATH

Nobody would be stupid enough to interpret the prophecy like that. Not even a Wizard.

MASTER OF COIN

Maybe high refers to a price. Maybe we need to purchase the Object of Great Power from someone for a considerable sum.

GRAVEDEATH

Some of what?

MASTER OF COIN

A sum of money, My Lord.

GRAVEDEATH

The Object of Great Power would be worth a lot of money, not just some.

MASTER OF COIN?

Never mind, My Lord. You’re right, of course.

GRAVEDEATH

I am surrounded by idiots. Your jobs are to tell me I’m right and hold the Money Sack, not to decipher prophecies. How far are we from the peak?

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KING’S MATHEMATICIAN

According to my abacus, two beads, My Lord.

GRAVEDEATH

Two beads what?

KING’S MATHEMATICIAN

Two beads to the left, My Lord.

GRAVEDEATH

How far is that in steps?

KING’S MATHEMATICIAN

Between several and several thousand, My Lord.

GRAVEDEATH

Can someone please tell me why we brought him?

KING’S ADVISOR

Mostly for optics, My Lord.

GRAVEDEATH

Remind me to have him executed when we get back to civilization.

As the royal company rounds the next bend, they come across a frail old man sitting on the ground. His hair is thin and white and he is half-naked and shivering in the cold. His trembling lips are blue, and small icicles cling to wispy beard.

OLD MAN

Oh Noble King, please, from the kindness of your heart, spare some food for me, it has been a week since I tasted more than snow and river-water.

GRAVEDEATH

Out of my way, old man, I’m trying to find the Object of Great Power. Go beg somewhere else.

OLD MAN

Please, Noble King, I beg you, spare a blanket for an old man, my bones are cold and brittle and the winds at night are harsh and furious.