S1.E10: A Berry Lucky Coincidence

A swamp that only kills short people, and a liar with a surprising talent.

You’re reading Adventure Story, a loving parody of the fantasy genre. Don’t know where to start? Click here.

Adventure Story: Start Here

Bigheart: Young and handsome, he is about to discover that his compulsion for Doing The Right Thing is in direct contradiction to his core belief I Am Not A Hero. Spoiler alert: he’s the hero.

Gravedeath: He used to be a nice guy until power predictably corrupted him and turned him into a murderous psychopath. He will stop at nothing to obtain the Very Powerful Object which will make him — you guessed it — unstoppable.

Michael and Nichael: Identical twins with witty tongues and an uncanny talent for providing comedic relief right when the audience might be in in danger of losing interest.

Lilly: She’s here to say clever quips — and to make Bigheart sexually frustrated

Blizzard the Wizard: He’s only as powerful as you believe him to be. So not very powerful.

Lothki: A devious trickster having an existential crisis about his job. No matter what he says, he always seems to send travelers down the ol’ sudden death route.

Miracle Max: She’s a last-minute savior with a punctuality problem. That’s going to be an issue in her line of work.

EXT. THE SWAMP OF SLOW DEATH

LILLY

Hey, um, Bigheart?

BIGHEART

Yes?

LILLY

I stopped sinking.

MICHAEL

Me too.

NICHAEL

Me three.

MAX

I don’t know how to count but whichever number comes next, me that one.

BIGHEART

Wait a second, you guys are right. My feet are touching solid ground.

BLIZZARD

Ho! I, Blizzard the Wizard, have conjured a powerful enchantment to solidify the mud beneath our feet, saving our lives just when all hope seemed lost!

LILLY

Blizzard! I knew you weren’t completely useless!

BIGHEART

I’m sorry I called you a fake wizard.

MAX

Thanks for saving our lives, Blizzard. Right at the last second too, I like that.

BLIZZARD

Well, magic and coincidence are a fickle pair that walk hand-in-hand across a thin blade.

BIGHEART

Wait, what does that mean exactly?

BLIZZARD

It’s just, uh, a Wizard’s way of saying you’re welcome.

BIGHEART

Oh good, I was worried you were saying it was all a coincidence, and the depth of the swamp just happens to be about five feet deep. But that would be ridiculous.

BLIZZARD

Ah, yes. Ridiculous indeed. Now, let us speak of it no more, for my humility is such that your praise colors my cheeks.

LILLY

Have you always talked like that?

BLIZZARD

Like what?

LILLY

Like you belong in Beowulf.

BLIZZARD

I know not that of which you speak. I know only that the more powerful the wizard, the more rambunctious his tongue. That is to say, loquacious.

BIGHEART

Blizzard, enough. Get over yourself. Let’s get out of here before your spell wears off.

BLIZZARD

My what? Oh yes, my spell. That’s right, it may wear off at any moment!